i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
