You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
