before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
