i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
