He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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