"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Barsexuality is the new black.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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