Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
