last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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