i don't like sucking hair
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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