Fine. I'll sleep in my office
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Randomize
