Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
