got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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