i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize