Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
