From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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