remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
