One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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