I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
