remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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