Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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