just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Someone shit on the floor
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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