the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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