I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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