Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
