I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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