WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
