My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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