he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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