that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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