member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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