____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
