i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
