Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
