dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
