Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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