So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
