I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
