dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
