What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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