Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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