Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
