when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize