Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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