remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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