You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
