We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
