I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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