you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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