I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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