for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
