Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize