Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They took my balls.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
