Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
