I just threw up on my dentist
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
