Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
