if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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