I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
