you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
did you just send me my own nude
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
