im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
