we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
