I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
