I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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