she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
no, he came in my armpit
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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