The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
