hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I FOUND THE LEGS
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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