Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
