Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
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had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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