I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
