evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
