i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
